Writers block vs Actors block ...MFA essay taking over my mind!

Today is my first full day ( well not full day because I have 2 clients to train this evening--but that's okay! :) ) off and I've dedicated this Wednesday afternoon to finish up a lot of paperwork I've been holding off on and simply haven't had any time to do. First on my list is getting my grad school essay taken care of. I've been writing this essay for months now. Its insane! It can only be 2 pages, approx 500 words and I'm asked to write why I want to go to grad school and what made me decide to pursue a career in acting and studying at a graduate level, or what point in my life made me decide this is what I want to do. I'm going nuts! I have so many reasons I want to do this and that I have been doing this, and yet I fear that most of them are cliche...ie its my dream, my passion I can't see myself being fulfilled in life if I choose to take on another career. Its the only thing in my life that I'm 100 % confident about and I know I'm capable of doing, I feel alive and full as a human being mentally, physically, emotionally, on so many levels when I'm part of a creative process of working on a script and character...and also I want to earn my MFA because I want my life to be on my terms. I don't want fear or security to get in my way of doing things my way. I went to college and studied journalism and although I did have a great education and loved my college experience, those 4 years all I wanted to do was taking acting classes at Mason Gross, and be surrounded by other actors who were studying day and night. I wanted to perform with them, learn from them and be inspired by them...and when finally I took my first acting class at Rutgers and my instructor told me he believed in me and I had a raw talent that really needed to be tapped into, I felt like I could jump into the pool of passion I've been yearning for and never really gave it a second though since. I want to explain all this in my essay and share the stories of what my life has been like since I've graduated and the sacrifices I ( and most all actors) have made in order to maintain flexibility so I can audition, rehearse, and be part of a community---I still fear sounding desperate yet confident that the sacrifice is worth it for me because I know deep in bone narrow this is the path I'm supposed to be on. I have no doubts or second thoughts about it. I feel bad that at times my family worries about my choices and wishes I choose an safer or easier road to take, but if this is road that fulfills me then their support and love is going towards a life worth living.

My essay right now talks about my relationship with my Aunt Anya--the first actor, poet and dancer I ever learned from and how our time together before she passed away was so special...and how watching her and learning from her was the first acting training I ever had--I wonder if she secretly knew as she watched me grow up I would fulfill the dream for her that she never had a chance to follow--if her songs and dances and poetry she performed for me and with me for our family gatherings was her message to me that she knew I had this deep desire to be like her...every time I audition, or right before I go on stage to perform I think about her. I think about her dancing at my bat mitzvah when she was already so sick but still her sickness didn't get in the way of her dancing with me, I think about her dressing up in costumes and reading poetry and singing songs she wrote personally for the occasion, I think about her holding my hand when she was in the hospital about to pass away telling me that I was capable of following my dreams and being whoever I wanted to be, and not to be scared, that my life was mine and I could do it my way. I think about her every time and think that I MUST do this not only for me but for my family--and for her. Even if they don't understand why I make these choices, in the end I make these choices because they came to this country so I could have the choice to decide the terms of my life and be free.

How do I explain all this to these graduate schools that are making there final decision out of thousands of applicants and maybe it comes down to just my essay to decide whether or not they give me a chance? I wish I could figure out a way. I sometimes go blank when I'm on the spot to explain why I want to be an actor and why I choose to work so hard for something that has no guarantees. I do this because not for rewards or praise, I do this because I like many other " aspiring " actors know I was born with a gift, and I want to share my gift with the world. With the proper training in a prestigious MFA program I can learn how to use my gift and create a human experience that I live for when I watch a great movie or go to the theatre, and that I dream about having the opportunity to one day do myself.

frozen since my last blog??

Must must must blog more. I started the blog to have an outpost on whats going on in my life and seems like nothing has happend in my life since September---but holy freaking cow has it. It was a slow movement into the stage of crazy busy-ness I am in right now, but I guess I like the fast pace and am addicted. I'm currently rehearsing for two shows. One is a staged reading for a dark comedy called " House Red" that performs at The Theatre for the New City on December 21st at 7pm. I play the role of Drew, a young townie girl from Upstate NY who gets caught in a frat house drama....the other show I'm in is called " Press 93 for Kosher Jewish Girls in Krakow" now this show is a full out production that will run from January 17th-April ish...so its a huge commitment and for the first time I really have to be mindful and careful about what projects I auditon for because I need to keep my commitment. OF course its tempting when I see all these great projects I want to audtion for but the fact that they run/rehearse during the same time is teaching me a lesson on making a choice and keeping it simple and not get ahead of myself.

Grad school auditons are fast approaching as well..I'm excited yet nervous. I seem to be a bit more prepared at this point right now with all my monolouge selections, and plus the fact that I went through it a year ago---still it scares me not to get rejected but what about if I actually get in? Its what I want, its what I dream about and what I've wanted since I was studying a bachelors degree that I was not into at all...but getting in would mean giving up alot and giving up all the comfertable things I have cushioning my life. I would have to start over when I get back and its scary...yet I'm throwing myself in the gautlet---isn't that what we do as actors? Always a gautlet and always a challenge, but we are addicts and it feeds us.

After personal training all morning and rehearsing for House Red all later afternoon...I'm back to the gym to train some more. My eyes are very heavy and I'm day dreaming of watching movies in bed all day--but lets be honest---I'd prob be bored of that realy quick

Let's get it started

For a while now, I've been wanting to start a blog..share what's going on in my life as I pursue what many feel is a courageous choice of a career and profession...the performing arts-being an actor, and living a life of not knowing what exciting adventure the day will bring. I've been worried about sharing too much information with the world-but after much thought and recent experiences, I've come to realize the more you share and create with the universe, the more you get back. Karma does come back around--I've seen it happen. I have dreams, aspirations, passions, concerns and feelings--I have a lot to offer the world, and my life is pretty interesting if I do say so myself--why not start to share my story? I also have a huge passion for writing and many of my best stories have been written while I was filled with a huge need to share a dream or a memory. At times I feel so strongly about something I want to share and I don't have an outlet to write it down right away--and then it gets lost in the filing cabinet of thoughts in my mind. I want to let all these thoughts and experiences out to the people who want to read them and who can either relate to them, learn something from them or share something with me that may help me in one way or another.

September reminds me of back to school. I often look back to my first days. First days of Highschoo;First days of college--each year was so different and so exciting..each September in the acting world is when new projects start to pick up and everyone comes back from summer stock and summer work.. This time last year I was just getting settled after an adventurous experience at the Lake Tahoe Shakespeare Festival originating the role of ZAFIRA in a new musical called CAMBIO. I moved back to NYC not knowing where I would live, how I would start earning an income again, and what would be the next step. I quickly felt the need to take my career into a serious place and decided to audition for MFA graduate school programs and the next 4 months were dedicated to my preparation. I learned so much during this process, but it was also such a foggy time because I wanted so badly to get in to prove to my family I'm serious, to prove to those around me I'm good enough, and you know what? I really lost track of why I was doing it in the first place. Maybe the schools could sense my desperation during my interviews or about my essay topics--still I do not regret anything---I did have amazing experiences and did get called back to many of the top programs--but needless to say, no offers were made. But--in all honesty..I'm okay with it. It wasn't the right time for me, and I accepted it very easily. No tears were shed. The experience I had going through the process was very valuable and if choose to do it again I have a very different outlook on how I will present myself and what I want out of the experience.

Other then my grad school expedition, I have really explored my place in the business, I've taken responsibility for what I want out of my work ---specifically.... and who I want to be known for in the business. Instead of listening to what everyone else says about what I should be doing, I've made some serious choices about what I WANT to be doing and how I'm going to do it every step of the way. I'm now a branded actor and know exactly what I'm selling. I've gotten myself very organized as business person thanks to Jodie Bentley and Kevin Urban at The Savvy Actor ( they rock!!!! so dedicated, patient, and on point!!!)--this class was one of the best classes I've taken in he city. I've always been an organized person and an ambitious actor---especially when marketing myself. However in this class I came to terms with what I really need to do to make my mark and feel fulfilled. I figured out that my passion right now--this moment really lies in theatre....and if I want to be on Broadway I need to invest my money and time into voice lessons ( which I am taking with the amazing Andrew Byrne--the real deal of a voice teacher/coach) and stop going on auditions for musicals feeling like " well I hope I get lucky this time and that they don't ask me to sing the full song because I only know 16 bars, and I have no idea what my highest note is, etc ,etc ." I have the gift and talent that has taken me this far, now I need to learn how to use it properly and nail my musical theatre auditions so I can be in IN THE HEIGHTS :)

I've figured out my brand and accepted I'm not as ' edgy, dark, and deep ' as I thought I was..... ( yes I really thought I was)-I'm vivacious, charming and spicy .....and that's what I'm going to own and that's what I'm going to sell!

Although being an actor means being able to do any type of genre of performance, I realized my passion for live theatre is so much greater then other genes ( all though I love tv and film-do NOT get me wrong for one second!!!) What I mean is-- I don't need to feel like I have to spend my extra time saying yes to background work on projects that I've been saying yes to in the past. I paid my dues, I've dabbled in background work and I'm done with it... It's not that I speak negatively about it, I think its good for actors to see how fast pace a daytime set operates, or how specific and intricate a TV drama is...these details are very different then working on a play..but it doesn't spark up the emotion and excitement in me as a working on a scene for a piece of theatre, learning music, finding the emotional connection in a dance or with my scene partner, developing a character, the entire rehearsal process, opening night, curtain call ( the list goes oooonnn)--these things make my blood pump like crazy, as if I'm falling in love--no joke I get the same butterflies in my stomach on my way to a rehearsal and a performance as I would on a first date!

Theatre projects haven't been as busy for me this year, but I'm okay with it. A few staged readings here and there, and small things. I'm working on new monologues, meeting casting directors and auditioning...every day is a new day. With my new specific goals, I'm more clear on how I will conquer booking theatre work I love--so bring it on!!!!!

Let me now be SUPER GRATEFUL for the amazing film work I've booked! I'm very very VERY excited for some projects I've been cast in and just finished shooting...

The indie film world has been very good to me.

I finished shooting a comedy spoof called Stupid Sarah directed by Josh Smith--I play Sarah--a very awkward girl who finds out her sexy musician boyfriend isn't who he seems to be..... think Ugly Betty meets Gossip Girl...:)

I'll be playing LISA, In Goldie Goldberg's romantic comedy Almost It. I'm super excited about being part of a really artistic way of capturing film--don't want to give it away, but the way the movie will be shot will be something totally different, creative and artistic--not your usual romantic comedy--thats all I'll say about that :)... Plus, we had a read through of the script a couple weeks ago and the cast is very talented and beautiful, I'm happy to be attached to a film with such a caliber of talent on every angel.

Another project coming up is a web series called Love & Comics where I play your not so typical girl next door Cheryl-lee.... I just read the script and its very funny--definitely something everyone can relate too--a read through should be coming up soon and I'm looking forward to meeting the cast and crew.

I also start taking a 12 week scene study class at The Barrow Group--which I'm really anticipating. I started an apprentice program with TBG last year and cut it short because I was overbooked with preparing for grad school auditions, and booked a replacement role on a musical off bway called Daisy in Disguise that my mentor from Rutgers; Stacie Lents wrote( I had 2 days to learn the entire show--so I was swamped, challenged but blessed!!!) The community at TBG is AMAZING! Very warm, supportive, creative, simple and most important fun and unpretentious..I'm taking the class with my best friend Evan --it will be so amazing to see each others progress through class and just have a place to exercise different scenes every week. We took our very first acting classes together at Rutgers. Our lives are so fast paced and busy nowadays, I'm glad we can share an artistic experience together like old times.

Since my Savvy Actor class, I've narrowed down a list of agents whom I want to target and meet so October/November will be my agent seeking months....anyone willing to be a referral would be thanked a million times over--I'll even throw some personal training sessions in :)

My amazing graphic designer/web designer cousin Serge is helping me cut up my film reel and make my website more full and Industry friendly...my hosting reel is now cut--check it out www.sandysimona.com...more and more and more things to come on the website---including this new BLOG section!

In the meantime, I'm dedicated to reading plays that inspire me, work on projects that move me, and surround myself around people who share love, passion and support for one another..

Also ---continue to be specific about what I want, what my goals are, and who I want the world to meet...

a vivacious, spicy, vibrant Sandy Simona

...From your girl next door with an International flair!

----La Dolce Vida