Voyage to Cal Arts part 2

talk about being in the right place at the right time...
It was 130pm when the orientation for NYC Cal Arts MFA auditions finished, I was shaken up with excitement, anxiety and nerves. The passionate presentation of what the Cal Arts program entails stirred up tears of encouragement that a place like this exists. I knew the program was considered experimental and very prestigous but I didn't realize how interdisciplinary ( which is what I LOVE because I want to do every aspect of creating art and yearn for an environment that supports and teaches me how to not only technique for all styles of acting, but dance, move, sing, direct, play and collaborate with other MFA candidates that are as passionate as I am...just thinking of doing all those things on a daily basis gives me the butterflies of a first date ..) The two cal arts representatives were Mirjiana Jokovic and Nataki Garret, and the moment they started talking I was impressed with how REAL they were, totally accessible. Many other programs feel like we need to impress them and get their attention. Mirjiana and Nataki presented a passionate, sincere, and deep conversation about what their program stood for.

Orientation over. It was 130pm. My call time for my off-bway gig was at 2pm downtown on the Lower East Side. There was NO way I was going to make it by 2pm, so I figured maybe I can just stick around and pray that I'll be seen within the next half hour, so I can take a cab downtown and make it a "little late".

The clock was ticking, I was #10 or so on the list. I begged #3 to switch with me, and she saved me. ( GOD BLESS THIS GIRL)We swapped times! I walked in the room almost feeling like " I just need to do my best and get out so I can make it downtown in time, lets make this good! don't screw up sandy...just do it and LEAVE! ahh" and what did I do? I had the best emotional connection to my dramatic piece, laughed my butt of at myself in my comedic piece, more then I ever did before---may have been a mix of nerves, excitement, and simplicity. After an interesting movement adjustment with my Shakespeare piece, a moving and honest conversation about why I'm an artist and what I'm looking to gain out of graduate school,and many more things that will be left for my own memories....it was already 230..THIRTY minutes AFTER MY CALL TIME for my show!

I excused myself politely, RAN into the chaos of Times Square, BEGGED a cabbie to drive as fast as he could downtown. Made it to my show with only 5 minutes before curtain.

My cast mates were screaming and yelling with excitement when I came into the dressing room glowing from the one and only audition that felt like a mutual connection---I felt the feeling that many of my mentors always told me about, " You know when it feels right, it just does, that's when you know what program you belong in, it will just make sense"....and it did. Kind of like love?

One month later, ( after 30 days of sleepless nights fantasizing about what my life would be like at Cal Arts. Researching the program, alumni, current students, etc every free moment I had) became my daily routine.....and then, the call came.

I was at the gym about to personal train a client, I saw a missed call from a blocked number, and voicemail. It was the Co-head of the department congratulating me. I started screaming, yelling, crying and jumping on top of my client and everyone in sight! Not one person had any idea what I was going crazy about! " She won the lotto??" " Her BF proposed on the phone?" " She's insane?" and many more questions were being thrown around the small east village gym. I said, " I got into GRAD SCHOOL! My DREAM SCHOOL! I'm moving to LA! I got into CAL ARTS" After eyes rolled, and laughs were exchanged by gym go-ers, everyone went back to their workouts and ignored me.

Not one person really understood or could comprehend what was so exciting about that--I work in a gym remember?

I called my mom 7 times, and as usual she doesn't pick up. I called my dad, he picks up after the first ring " what happened" in his thick Russian -mafia -style- husky voice..." I got in! I got in! I got in! " ( me yelling). His response " Relax, calm down, calm down, CALM DOWN, I'll talk to your mother about this" he says. " ARE YOU CRAZY? what do you need to talk to her about? I GOT INTO GRAD SCHOOL!" and he again says" Ok. Calm down" ...that's the story of my life. My family of course thinking I'm insane and not sharing my excitement because they always think good news brings bad luck, and I shouldn't share it with anyone....I don't get it.

Finally David, my #1 fan and anchor in life, calls me back after a text saying " CALL NOW" he says calmly " Is it what I think it is?" and I say in the most calm tone I'm capable of producing " YES" we share an exchange of " I can't believe it", etc...and he tells me how proud of me he is, and how I worked so hard for this, I deserve this, my hard work pays off, and this is the beginning of my new life, proof that my dreams will come true because I'm unstoppable- everyone needs someone like him in their life. Someone who unconditionally supports your crazy passions and goals in life, someone who believes in who you are and will never, ever let you give up, even when you feel like your running a marathon that never ends. How could someone be so happy and proud of me when my dream includes moving to the other side of the country away from them? Thats my anchor, he sees this as the best thing that could have happened to me, and will stand by me if I go to China or Pluto, as long as I'm following my passion. We drank a bottle of champagne we saved for 2 years for this special occasion. Saved the cork. Took pictures and a video blog of the day I'll never forget--they day I got accepted into a graduate program to earn my Masters in Fine Arts in Acting--at my #1 choice program. My dream to train as a professional, respected, artist.

It has been a bumpy ride the last few months since my acceptance into Cal Arts---- with my family. They still do not fully understand why I'm leaving my comfortable and " stable " life in NYC to move across the country to earn a degree they don't understand and follow a passion they do not fully comprehend or support. I feel selfish at times for my choices. I feel like I make them suffer by being an Actor. Yet-this is my life and I know this is my path. What the end result is--no one knows. The common question is " How will this help you be a " better actor"? Or " What kind of job will you have after? Will you work right away? How will you pay off your loans?" New questions every time I make a new decision pertaining to my career in the art.

Of course I wish there was a simple answer to respond to these annoying and negative curiousities--I'm aware that they are real things I should be thinking about and prepared to deal with---but I rather not go through my life worrying about what's going to happen after I do this or that, and how I'll do this or that in the future...I want to live right now. I want every day to be filled with a life that makes me feel ALIVE and completely fulfilled, passionate, stimulated, loved, inspired, emotional, blessed, and here I am...one step closer to being fully immersed in an prestigious, professional ,training program, that brings all those things into my world.

My world is pretty amazing as we speak. I'm healthy, which is #1, have love around me, a job I enjoy, and my art that I'm passionate about. An MFA will only bring me to the next level. The training, network of artists, and lifestyle I will achieve my my three years will be an investment for the rest of my life as a professional artist....I can not get that any other way---other then taking a break from this " comfy" world I live in now, and jump into a pool of the unknown.

So..UNKNOWN world---here I come. I've accepted my offer to Cal Arts. I'm sending in my deposit this month, and making the big move across the country in August. Where will I live? I'll figure it out. How will I survive? I'll make it work. What will I do with my life back in NYC? It will always be there for me, and the people who love and support me will always be there for me, my true support system will never disappear. What will I gain? Everything. My dreams are not just fairy tales, they are real, and my life will never, ever be the same, and I don't want it to be.

I'm ready for the ride. Let's do it.