I found my light in Europe..

My residency at the Au Brana Cultural center with OBRA Theatre Company was life-altering. It was the best gift I could have ever given myself.

Please don't take this as cliche. It's true, " Girl goes to Europe after one of the most insane years of her life, after her first year of graduate school, and finds bliss, life altering-bliss...." But, the fact of the matter is, it is true. I found bliss. Bliss is now in my tool-box and I know what it looks like, feels like, smells like and tastes like, ( a mix of fresh french baguette just out of the oven, crepes at midnight, jamon and sangria from an open air market...) I can always go back in my tool-box and double check what bliss is, what a gift I gave myself this summer. What . A. Gift.

Everything I experienced in my life, lead me to France.

France was waiting for me, to be explored, at that exact moment in time, and I took it in whole-heartily. I ate it up. I did not leave any left overs.

I had an incredible spiritual, emotional,artistic journey I could have imagined. It all started the moment I stepped foot in Paris, and continued on my path to the southern border of France where I lived on a farm for 3.5 weeks in a quaint, adorable town of Lectoure to play with a talented group of theatre artists as a resident of the OBRA Theatre Company physical theatre workshop.

Together the residents lived and played with our bodies, memories, stories and desires. It was a storytelling workshop like no other. At Au Brana, I was instantly challenged with the rigorous and intense physical work, even coming form a very strong physical background. My body never endured such explorations before. I struggled with full letting go, and trusting my strength. I'm so much stronger than I give myself credit for. This was a huge lesson to learn this year, as well as this summer. I was even nick-named " Gladiator- Woman" and " Amazon- Princess"....hmm good halloween ideas :)

Over the course of 3.5 weeks we worked very closely on physical movement techniques in ensemble building and our own personal material development. Writing, moving, moving, writing, non-stop from dawn until dusk for 3.5 weeks. Oh, and the food at Au Brana, still makes me salivate. The food was absurdly declious, fresh, and prepared by the OBRA leaders, they did double duty, all. the. time. I love you all so much for taking such good care of me.

The workshop was lead by OBRA company members, Kate Perry, Oliviero Papi, Unai Lopez de Armentia and Hannah Whelan a dynamic and powerful group of theatre artists from the UK, Australia, and The Basque Country.

Followed by a writing/capoiera workshop with Leo Kay and Mestre Carlao from the UK and Brazil; in which we generated a ton of writing about personal stories and memory, and site-specific creations.

Finishing with an intense Grotowski movement workshop with illustrious director Matej Matejka from Poland ( Theatre Czar/Studio Matjeka).

Following my incredible artistic journey in France--after living on a farm with 10 very interesting individuals from all over the globe--and meeting some beautiful people on my journey to and from each place I went, I began on my personal exploration of Barcelona and Paris, where I found peace, bliss, passion and liberation.

Barcelona was full of heat, excitement, fiery energy of art and intensity. I lived in a seedy apartment in a part of Barcelona equivalent to NYC's Time Square. It was Central and easy to get around, but not ideal for peace of mind. I loved exploring the entire city by foot and spent 8-10 hours walking without a map, getting lost in the labyrinthine city walls. Stopping for dolces and tapas. Thinking about the food in Barcelona makes my mouth water. The days were spent exploring the parks, street art, beaches, and mazes of sunshine in bliss. The evenings were spent getting lost in within the mysterious Gothic walls and mazes, sangria sipping, dancing, street performer/art exhibitionists, people watching, Catalan Shakespeare exploring ( YES, I saw Romeo and Juliet in Barcelona, and it was amazing!!!), and being a witness to the thrill seeking hedonism that surrounded me.

Barcelona is all about pleasure and intensity. The intensity lasted all the way up until I got myself to the airport and flew out of there. It was fun while it lasted but I was ready for some of the mysterious, romantic ,energy of Paris, and that is exactly what I found there.

Paris took my breath away. Over, and over, and over again. Thinking about it still gives me a heart palpitation.

I felt a light inside me that I never knew I could feel as I first witnessed the Eiffel Tower and the Seine for the first time. We arrived to Paris in the evening and saw the tower at sunset. Chills still take over my body when thinking about seeing it for the first time as the metro train approached the grand view of the city skyline of Paris. I can remember the smell of the city, and the temperature my body felt while walking along the Seine from morning to night.

The streets of Paris were filled with romance and intimacy. Everything felt so intimate, petite, secretive, simple, and sexy. People taking their time. People kissing. Laying next to each other, staring at the sky, the river, the art surrounding. Simplicity and romance at every moment. Eye contact being held with strangers for an almost uncomfortable amount of time, but yet so thrilling and harmless. Random conversations at cafes, bars, singing with street performers, locals, having conversations about art, culture, theatre, independence, love, life, family and future with perfect strangers and new friends. Rendezvous is the word when I think if Paris. Rendezvous everywhere you go, and the light of this city is like a small fire burning inside your soul that's quiet and just about to boil. I came back from Paris really holding on to this light that I found. I don't ever want to lose it. The French greeted me with inquisitiveness, openness and sincerity. I had some incredible life changing conversations and experiences with many special people I met in France. Once we got past the American jokes and my accent in attempting to speak one of the most beautiful languages in the world, we really found a common ground and the relationships I made in France, even if they were just with singing with random street musicians.... " Saaaaannndy" from Grease, or a compilation of Beatles music in French, or riding on the back of a motorcycle with a friend I just made in a a cafe for hours, or meeting a friend I made on a Parisian Train adventure in a random farm village to talk about our dreams , or going on a dancing adventure with a group of friends I met at while dancing in a dive bar, or getting stuck in a storm without an umbrella, or getting lost on the metro and asking for help, Europe taught me so much. Europe gave me a sense of my independence back that I was always yearning for but perhaps too scared to fully claim.

Europe brought light inside me, and I will be back to touch that flame soon. I realized how essential traveling, adventure, language, and international art means to me. I must make a habit of committing myself to explore this world we live in! My artistic mission continues : International, Multi-lingual, Multi-media, Collaborative Art, that heals, moves, and entices all the human senses and senses that we do not even know exist.

One thing is for sure. I LOVE physical theatre and movement and feel that this is my calling in the generation of my work.

Which leads to my updates of where I am now and what I'll be working on at CalArts, Fall 2011.......

Yes, yes, yes, yes, Roller coaster of year 2 on my MFA journey is just now picking up speed, but this year, I'm in the front cart without any fear of flying out and splattering myself into a mush on the earth. I'm going to trust that the seat-belt on this roller coaster is going to protect me from losing my focus, determination and dedication. So I'll let the seat-belt do it's job, but don't be fooled- I'm raising my hands in the air, my eyes are WIDE open to see the horizon ahead, and I will allow myself, with total freedom, and confidence, to fly at the speed of light.....